The Big Picture
Genealogy is about telling stories, but when those stories involve living people, you’re no longer just a historian. You’re also a steward of someone’s privacy. The past can’t object. Cousin Dave absolutely can.
So while it can be okay to share information about living relatives, there are some important boundaries that keep family history from turning into family drama.
What’s Generally Okay to Share
Think of this category as “things you could reasonably find in a graduation program or holiday newsletter.”
Basic, non-sensitive details
These are usually safe, especially when shared in limited, respectful contexts:
Names (first and last, depending on context)
General relationships (daughter, uncle, cousin)
Birth years (not full dates)
Marriage information, if the people involved are comfortable with it
Public achievements or milestones they’ve openly shared themselves
Even here, tone and audience matter. Sharing your sister’s name in a private family tree is very different from posting her full profile in a public forum indexed by search engines forever.
What You Should Think Twice About Sharing
Here’s where the brakes should squeal just a bit.
Personal or sensitive information
Avoid sharing:
Full birth dates
Home addresses or phone numbers
Medical information
Legal issues
Financial details
Family conflicts or scandals
Anything that could embarrass or harm someone
Genealogy has a funny way of uncovering things that were very intentionally swept under old rugs. Just because you found it doesn’t mean it needs to be broadcast. 🧹
Public Trees vs. Private Trees
This distinction matters a lot.
Public online trees
If your family tree is public:Most genealogy platforms automatically hide details of living people. Use those settings.
Never assume “only other genealogists will see this.” The internet has a way of wandering.
Treat public trees like a billboard, not a scrapbook.
Private trees
Private trees or offline software give you more freedom:You can record detailed information for your own reference.
This is often the best place to store full dates, addresses, and notes.
Just remember: private today doesn’t always mean private forever. Backups get shared, files get inherited, and technology loves surprises.
The Golden Rule of Genealogy
If you wouldn’t say it out loud at a family reunion, don’t put it online.Genealogy is not a courtroom drama, even when the records are spicy. 🍿
Consent Is the Secret Ingredient
When in doubt, ask.
“Hey, I’m working on our family tree. Are you okay with me including your name and birth year?”
“Would you prefer your info to stay private?”
Most people appreciate being asked, and it builds trust. Some relatives will be thrilled. Others will politely decline. Both answers are valid.
And if someone says no? That’s the end of the discussion. Genealogy is a marathon, not a hostage negotiation.
What About Social Media and Family Stories?
This one trips people up.Just because someone posted something on Facebook in 2012 doesn’t mean:
They remember doing it
They want it preserved forever
They expect it to show up in a family history book
Screenshots are forever. Feelings last even longer.
A Special Note for Family Histories and Books
If you’re writing:A printed family history
A blog
A newsletter
A memoir-style genealogy project
It’s best practice to:
Limit living people to names and relationships
Use initials or general descriptions if topics get personal
Get written permission if you plan to share more detail
Future generations will thank you for being thorough. Current generations will thank you for being kind.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
Genealogy used to live in filing cabinets and binders that smelled faintly of dust and determination. 📂Now it lives online, searchable, shareable, and permanent. A detail that feels harmless today might cause problems down the road, especially with identity theft, doxxing, or family estrangement.
Being careful isn’t about being boring. It’s about being respectful.
Bottom Line
Yes, you can share information about living relatives in genealogy, but:Keep it minimal
Keep it respectful
Keep it private unless you have permission
When unsure, don’t share! You’re preserving history, not running a gossip column.
Genealogy is about connection. Protecting the living helps keep those connections intact. 🌳
